The Magic of Microconnections

simple hello, big returns in vagus (the nerve, that is, not the city...)

Photo by Walter Randlehoff on Unsplash

Summer is definitely in full gear. I've mentioned before that I'm often challenged by the energy of summer. It's big and bold and just a lot all at once. One of the beautiful things about summer is that there's a lot of mutual desire towards connection. Connection with nature, connection with self, and especially with other humans in my world. Summer is often a time that we will travel great distances to connect with one another. It's been really fun to have friends and family come for visits this summer as the last several years I've been a little tricky for this.

As someone who is learning to lean into her rainforest mind (which is a beautiful recent term I learned for experiencing one’s brain as neurodivergent/ gifted-not-autistic), I'm more attuned to a certain level of intensity in relational connecting. I'm not great at small talk and what might be considered ‘superficial connection’ (which I want to convey with non-judgment in my tone), although I'm learning that it has its supportive place. I'm more drawn naturally too deeper and more intimate sharing and collaboration with others.

That being said, I’ve recently have been doing a deep dive back into toning the vagus nerve as a portion of the nervous system wellness coaching program that I'm in the midst of creating and beta-testing. And unbeknownst to me, a book I've been reading had some interesting information to share about this.

The main premise of the book Cured, by Dr. Jeffrey Rediger, is about characteristics researched extensively by the author, that help people recover from seemingly unrecoverable illnesses; trying to understand common denominators beneath what appear to be spontaneous healings. It’s a persistent fascination of mine.

He included a section that I read last week about the nervous system and improving tone (a fancy neurological word basically meaning “function”) in the vagus nerve. For those who are unaware function of this big nervous system star, I'm going to be quite a bit reductionistic here. It serves many functions and I've talked about polyvagal theory in the past.

One of the many functions of the vagus nerve to turn on and off signaling for inflammation in the body. Another is to relay communication from our body to the brain and vice versa, although the more dominant pathway of information flow is from body to brain. Still others include so many of the things that if our nervous system is on left to think about such as digestion, heart rate, breathing, speech, urine output, blood pressure, immune system response, and so much more.

There's a branch of the vagus nerve that's devoted to engaging with those around us. It’s a part of what’s called the human ‘social engagement system,’ coined by Dr. Stephen Porges. That's what I want to reinforce here. In the book, Dr. Rediger talks about one of the most potent ways to improve the function of the vagus nerve being through moments of ‘microconnection.’

Moments of microconnection are moments in which we connect with people around us in a very fundamental way. It might be in smiling at the cashier at the grocery store smiling back. It might be asking the bus driver how her day is going when you get on the bus and making eye contact in a way that suggests you're really interested. It could be smiling at the person walking the other way toward you does as you take a lap at the park. And it also could be having a moment of eye contact with a head scratch with your dog. That's one of my favorites.

Dr. Rediger cites the research of Barbara Fredrickson who has studied this as an attribute of love extensively in her lab. She says, “Love is that micro-moment of warmth and connection that you share with another living being.” A particulate attribute unearthed by her research that really struck me was that she found that the potency of microconnection is most powerful when engaged with in-person. So while the magic of remote connection has created beautiful communities that don't require local gathering, there's something built inside of us humans that gives and receives the most potency of relational vagus nerve toning from in person connections with others.

Of course, in some ways, this was news to me as an introvert. But it doesn't have anything to do with how introverted or extroverted one may be. It simply has to do with being human and understanding that we were made for this.

So while I'm a big fan of practical vagal toning strategies that I can do through my own individual efforts (still trying to kick the rugged individualism…), reading this book chapter impressed upon me the vital importance of ensuring that real in-person human connection is happening in my days and weeks.

Connection truly is medicine, and I suppose it seems a little bit selfish in a certain way to have deeper intention about creating this for myself. But then, on the other hand, no one loses when it happens. Everyone gains. It's something from which we can all benefit.

Maybe unlike me, this is a no-brainer for you. Maybe you are naturally outgoing or warm with strangers. I am admittedly quite shy and always have been. That being said, I'm definitely a responder when it comes to the conclusions made by solid research studies. It bolsters the possibility of confidence and the impetus for me to be reaching out to other humans.

So at the end of the day the more it grows, the more it goes. I get jazzed about how these beautiful research studies can energize my motivation personally to become more intentional about something that often feels maybe a little bit quirky and awkward, and yet incredibly vital.

I’m wondering if there was anything new or energizing to this little circuit-rewire for you? I’d love to hear in the comments ~